Why..

why is it always during the oddest times of day or night that you
actually really need someone to take you into his or her arms and tell
you everythings gonna be alright? Usually when you cant even call anyone
and at least ask that person to say so?

I already wrote this article once more, a bit earlier. but opera started
bitching, so i am assuming it does not want to have the rest published.

One thing though.
I assume you know that before you have a surgery under general
anaesthetics you usually get some kind of pill to calm you down and to
prevent emotional stress because of fear (of what might happen). Did you
know that on some people this pill has the opposite effect? Meaning that
you basically go through an emotional hell?
Next time, i will decline taking that pill... it felt like .. all
emotions being let out at once, being so overwhelming - so scary - that
you just cant help but cry. A LOT. Severely. The nurses had quite a bad
job with calming me down, i dont know why they havent just put me to
sleep - i was on the table already anyways! (which made it no better.
but hey, i have seen the inside of the surgery room :))
The surgery this year (December again I reckon) will be very similar.
And about as dangerous, they can (for some reason, since they wont break
my skull this time) damage the same nerves, they can screw up my teeth,
etc etc. Even if it will be shorter and sparing the lymphatic drainage.
Ever had one of those? They are bearable - until they have to be
removed. My doc did it without removing the vacuum first.
those 20 seconds felt like 20 minutes, believe me ;)

But apart from that.. i am a very tough and strong girl. Honest.